Kind Mothers

What's a "Kind Mother"?

Note the distinction between a Kind Mother and a Kind Person. A Kind Person is considerate to others, and doesn't take offense easily. If a Kind Person is cut off while driving, they don't slam on their horn, raise certain fingers or glare nastily. A Kind Person assumes we all have moments of inattention, and we all need to watch out for one another in those moments. A bungled phrase sounds wrong? A Kind Person responds to the intention behind the words, not the actual words themselves.

A Kind Mother, seeing her children commit these same errors, nails them to the wall.

Kids are egocentric. It's not a selfish trait; it's an actual stage of biological development. By their early teens, kids literally think everything IS about them. That's why they're so hyper self-conscious about the clothes they wear, the state of their acne, how their hair curls that day, etc. They may look and act like young adults, but it's very difficult for them to view the world from any perspective but their own. That's why it's so hard for kids to be kind.

So what's a Kind Mother to do? The opposite of a Kind Person. You point out every slight -- especially the ones done unto others -- and you rake your child over the coals for them. A Kind Mom forces her kids to view their actions from other perspectives.

I got stood up for lunch one day by an acquaintance who was running late. No big deal. But that same week, my daughter neglected to tell me she already had a ride home from book club after school. By the time I was done listing the privileges she had lost with her thoughtless actions, she was in tears.

Yeah, she thought I was a big meanie. But I'm pretty certain she'll never allow anyone to make an unnecessary trip on her behalf ever again. (Otherwise I'm doubling the $40 fee I charged her for my chauffeur services.)

So... Happy Mother's Day to all those moms out there who nitpick and nag your children. May you have bright days when your children ask for your opinion or think of others before acting. I wish you the energy and the patience to continue playing your "mean mom" role. Someday, your children will recognize you as a "Kind Mother" who taught them well.