Retirement Plans

Why are people so damn afraid of getting old?

And forget about that "you're getting better" tripe. I figure we're better off if we all decide right now that it is our DUE to be grumpy old people who make life miserable for our children.

My personal goal is to reunite with my college friends someday in a nursing home somewhere. Can you imagine sharing bladder laments with your old college drinking buddies? The guy who used to order his beverage of choice by the pitcher, now complaining about his prostrate...it seems so fitting.

I've already picked out where I'm going to live when I go senior... with Jeff. Jeff was the guy our gang all sponged off during college (there's one in every group). Why stop now? We can all sponge off him until we die. (Jeff, please widen all your doorways and make your bathroom handicap-accessible right now to prepare.)

I can see everyone in Jeff's Retirement Center: Jola whacking Al with her cane; Julie constantly pissed that she can no longer remember all the answers to Trivial Pursuit; Tim faking deafness so he can ignore Jeff.

See? It's nice to have things to look forward to in our dotage!