Retirement speech

I just finished my fifth year as the service unit manager for our local Girl Scout organization. I voluntarily oversaw about 30 GS troops in our city. Basically, that means I told the leaders when their treasury reports were due, nagged them to get training and follow standard safety precautions, spread the word about fun GS events, and so on.

Sounds pretty straight forward, right? Not so much.

I'd originally planned to share the job with another woman. We agreed in the spring that we'd take over the job come fall. This woman was a cancer survivor and during the summer, her illness came out of remission with a vengeance. She lasted a handful of weeks, and died the week before our first meeting. She'd been determined up until the end that she WAS going to do this job, and the value she placed on this organization was what got me through the first year.

I had to field other situations when leaders called, wondering what to do when a girl's parent or sibling died. I had one leader call with an "incident" after a meeting between a girl and a school janitor. Another leader (who I still stand by as being innocent) was accused of molesting a neighbor. Even though all charges were dropped, he will never again have full custody of his daughter and can never again be a Girl Scout volunteer.

What did I find out as a volunteer Service Unit Manager? Life isn't always fair.

I often laughed at the irony that I was a volunteer. I had no training in counseling, and wasn't paid to deal with these heartaches. In retrospect, I would have gone nuts trying to "fix" these situations if I'd been a paid counselor. After five years I know now that some family issues can't be fixed. It doesn't stop me from worrying about if I could have done more, but at least I did okay.

Here's one final irony... I'm going to miss this job. The service unit benefitted from my technical prowess and communication skills. I got to help people, meet some terrific people -- both adults AND girls, and watch them grow. I'm definitely ready to move on to other things, but I'll always look back on what I did as a Service Unit Manager with pride.

That's enough for me.

High School

It's almost the end of my daughter's first year in high school. She mentioned that she's read my blog on occasion, since I mention her by name and it comes up when she googles herself. So, Ms. Alta Alonzi, this blog's for you.

I'm proud of Alta's first year in high school. She took honors classes -- some of which were very tough -- but she also challenged herself in other areas. Alta is NOT an out-going kid, but she took a class on public speaking and got an A-.

It seems like it was just yesterday when she was struggling to prepare a book report to present orally in grade school. Oh, how far she's come.

I'm of the mindset that high school is a chance to develop new skills and learn more about who you are -- not a mere stepping stone on the path to the "right" college. In other words, you can choose your classes based on how high they'll raise your GPA and/or how they look on your resume, or you can experiment and have fun. You'll only be in high school once, so roll the dice, baby!

The class Alta took this year that made me the most uncomfortable was her creative writing class. One of her first stories was about two kids engaged in a war, trying to beat each other to asking their mom for the last piece of cake for dessert, while simultaneously sucking up so as to gain a positive response. At the very end, the mom says she ate the last piece for lunch.

I'm pretty sure my daughter based this short story on a real-life incident. Another of her stories was based on something I'd done in high school. She has to have a rough draft of her next story done by Thursday, and I get the feeling she's watching me...

I don't mind being someone's muse but when that person favors writing comedies, then providing their inspiration is a tad more awkward. My game plan is to introduce her to old SNL skits and The Muppet Show on You Tube. Plan B is to sic her on her Dad.

Kind Mothers

What's a "Kind Mother"?

Note the distinction between a Kind Mother and a Kind Person. A Kind Person is considerate to others, and doesn't take offense easily. If a Kind Person is cut off while driving, they don't slam on their horn, raise certain fingers or glare nastily. A Kind Person assumes we all have moments of inattention, and we all need to watch out for one another in those moments. A bungled phrase sounds wrong? A Kind Person responds to the intention behind the words, not the actual words themselves.

A Kind Mother, seeing her children commit these same errors, nails them to the wall.

Kids are egocentric. It's not a selfish trait; it's an actual stage of biological development. By their early teens, kids literally think everything IS about them. That's why they're so hyper self-conscious about the clothes they wear, the state of their acne, how their hair curls that day, etc. They may look and act like young adults, but it's very difficult for them to view the world from any perspective but their own. That's why it's so hard for kids to be kind.

So what's a Kind Mother to do? The opposite of a Kind Person. You point out every slight -- especially the ones done unto others -- and you rake your child over the coals for them. A Kind Mom forces her kids to view their actions from other perspectives.

I got stood up for lunch one day by an acquaintance who was running late. No big deal. But that same week, my daughter neglected to tell me she already had a ride home from book club after school. By the time I was done listing the privileges she had lost with her thoughtless actions, she was in tears.

Yeah, she thought I was a big meanie. But I'm pretty certain she'll never allow anyone to make an unnecessary trip on her behalf ever again. (Otherwise I'm doubling the $40 fee I charged her for my chauffeur services.)

So... Happy Mother's Day to all those moms out there who nitpick and nag your children. May you have bright days when your children ask for your opinion or think of others before acting. I wish you the energy and the patience to continue playing your "mean mom" role. Someday, your children will recognize you as a "Kind Mother" who taught them well.