It's almost the end of my daughter's first year in high school. She mentioned that she's read my blog on occasion, since I mention her by name and it comes up when she googles herself. So, Ms. Alta Alonzi, this blog's for you.
I'm proud of Alta's first year in high school. She took honors classes -- some of which were very tough -- but she also challenged herself in other areas. Alta is NOT an out-going kid, but she took a class on public speaking and got an A-.
It seems like it was just yesterday when she was struggling to prepare a book report to present orally in grade school. Oh, how far she's come.
I'm of the mindset that high school is a chance to develop new skills and learn more about who you are -- not a mere stepping stone on the path to the "right" college. In other words, you can choose your classes based on how high they'll raise your GPA and/or how they look on your resume, or you can experiment and have fun. You'll only be in high school once, so roll the dice, baby!
The class Alta took this year that made me the most uncomfortable was her creative writing class. One of her first stories was about two kids engaged in a war, trying to beat each other to asking their mom for the last piece of cake for dessert, while simultaneously sucking up so as to gain a positive response. At the very end, the mom says she ate the last piece for lunch.
I'm pretty sure my daughter based this short story on a real-life incident. Another of her stories was based on something I'd done in high school. She has to have a rough draft of her next story done by Thursday, and I get the feeling she's watching me...
I don't mind being someone's muse but when that person favors writing comedies, then providing their inspiration is a tad more awkward. My game plan is to introduce her to old SNL skits and The Muppet Show on You Tube. Plan B is to sic her on her Dad.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Kind Mothers
What's a "Kind Mother"?
Note the distinction between a Kind Mother and a Kind Person. A Kind Person is considerate to others, and doesn't take offense easily. If a Kind Person is cut off while driving, they don't slam on their horn, raise certain fingers or glare nastily. A Kind Person assumes we all have moments of inattention, and we all need to watch out for one another in those moments. A bungled phrase sounds wrong? A Kind Person responds to the intention behind the words, not the actual words themselves.
A Kind Mother, seeing her children commit these same errors, nails them to the wall.
Kids are egocentric. It's not a selfish trait; it's an actual stage of biological development. By their early teens, kids literally think everything IS about them. That's why they're so hyper self-conscious about the clothes they wear, the state of their acne, how their hair curls that day, etc. They may look and act like young adults, but it's very difficult for them to view the world from any perspective but their own. That's why it's so hard for kids to be kind.
So what's a Kind Mother to do? The opposite of a Kind Person. You point out every slight -- especially the ones done unto others -- and you rake your child over the coals for them. A Kind Mom forces her kids to view their actions from other perspectives.
I got stood up for lunch one day by an acquaintance who was running late. No big deal. But that same week, my daughter neglected to tell me she already had a ride home from book club after school. By the time I was done listing the privileges she had lost with her thoughtless actions, she was in tears.
Yeah, she thought I was a big meanie. But I'm pretty certain she'll never allow anyone to make an unnecessary trip on her behalf ever again. (Otherwise I'm doubling the $40 fee I charged her for my chauffeur services.)
So... Happy Mother's Day to all those moms out there who nitpick and nag your children. May you have bright days when your children ask for your opinion or think of others before acting. I wish you the energy and the patience to continue playing your "mean mom" role. Someday, your children will recognize you as a "Kind Mother" who taught them well.
Note the distinction between a Kind Mother and a Kind Person. A Kind Person is considerate to others, and doesn't take offense easily. If a Kind Person is cut off while driving, they don't slam on their horn, raise certain fingers or glare nastily. A Kind Person assumes we all have moments of inattention, and we all need to watch out for one another in those moments. A bungled phrase sounds wrong? A Kind Person responds to the intention behind the words, not the actual words themselves.
A Kind Mother, seeing her children commit these same errors, nails them to the wall.
Kids are egocentric. It's not a selfish trait; it's an actual stage of biological development. By their early teens, kids literally think everything IS about them. That's why they're so hyper self-conscious about the clothes they wear, the state of their acne, how their hair curls that day, etc. They may look and act like young adults, but it's very difficult for them to view the world from any perspective but their own. That's why it's so hard for kids to be kind.
So what's a Kind Mother to do? The opposite of a Kind Person. You point out every slight -- especially the ones done unto others -- and you rake your child over the coals for them. A Kind Mom forces her kids to view their actions from other perspectives.
I got stood up for lunch one day by an acquaintance who was running late. No big deal. But that same week, my daughter neglected to tell me she already had a ride home from book club after school. By the time I was done listing the privileges she had lost with her thoughtless actions, she was in tears.
Yeah, she thought I was a big meanie. But I'm pretty certain she'll never allow anyone to make an unnecessary trip on her behalf ever again. (Otherwise I'm doubling the $40 fee I charged her for my chauffeur services.)
So... Happy Mother's Day to all those moms out there who nitpick and nag your children. May you have bright days when your children ask for your opinion or think of others before acting. I wish you the energy and the patience to continue playing your "mean mom" role. Someday, your children will recognize you as a "Kind Mother" who taught them well.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Family Names
I don’t talk about my Hubby much in my postings. A blog is an opportunity to rant and, quite frankly, Hubby just doesn’t drive me insane the way my kids do.
Another reason that I try to avoid referring to him by name is because his name is Fred, just like my son. It gets really confusing in a blog to keep track of which guy I'm referring to unless I refer to him as Hubby. Oh, and he hates that nickname. Even better.
Do Hubby and I still get on together well after 17 years of marriage? At the risk of jinxing us, I'd say yeah. It helps that we're both self-employed, working with the same customers. I'm the website lady and Fred does the IT stuff, which basically means I work remotely from home and he's out on-site for the most part. All of his customers absolutely ADORE me, and they frequently tell him so.
His former boss’ boss is now one of our clients. He’s sorta cool to Fred, but thinks I am the bomb. I don’t know how Fred feels about that, but I’m pretty down with it.
Getting back to the name thing, you know both Hubby and son are named Fred. My father-in-law's name? Fred. Cousin? Fred. It drives everyone nuts at family get-togethers.
When our first daughter was born, we were hoping to name her after my mom (Joyce Alta) who had passed away the year before. Once we saw the babe, we knew using that name exactly wasn't a good fit. So we switched the first and middle names around (Alta Joyce). Somehow, we both instinctively agreed this new moniker better suited this kid.
When we were expecting the second time, we had several female family names in mind. We decided to wait to pick the final name until we saw the babe. We waited for a full day after she was born to finally name her. Fred knew he wanted to name a future son after his dad and we hated to copy his niece's name as well, but this kid was clearly a Queen Elizabeth in the making. Fortunately, her cousin goes by Beth these days, and there's no way our middle child will ever be a "Beth". Her teachers call her "Liz" once in awhile, but most people still call her "Elizabeth" and bow down slightly in her presence.
During the one-day delay before we named our second kid, one person suggested that since our first daughter is named "Alta" we should call her "Snowbird". (If you're a skier, you'll get the reference.) Sometimes we call the girls "Alpha" and "elizaBeta". Fortunately for us nerdy parents, the kids think those are somewhat cool nicknames and don't ostracize us for sharing them with others.
Take that, Jefe/Teen #2/Trash Boy/Dumpster Diva!
Another reason that I try to avoid referring to him by name is because his name is Fred, just like my son. It gets really confusing in a blog to keep track of which guy I'm referring to unless I refer to him as Hubby. Oh, and he hates that nickname. Even better.
Do Hubby and I still get on together well after 17 years of marriage? At the risk of jinxing us, I'd say yeah. It helps that we're both self-employed, working with the same customers. I'm the website lady and Fred does the IT stuff, which basically means I work remotely from home and he's out on-site for the most part. All of his customers absolutely ADORE me, and they frequently tell him so.
His former boss’ boss is now one of our clients. He’s sorta cool to Fred, but thinks I am the bomb. I don’t know how Fred feels about that, but I’m pretty down with it.
Getting back to the name thing, you know both Hubby and son are named Fred. My father-in-law's name? Fred. Cousin? Fred. It drives everyone nuts at family get-togethers.
When our first daughter was born, we were hoping to name her after my mom (Joyce Alta) who had passed away the year before. Once we saw the babe, we knew using that name exactly wasn't a good fit. So we switched the first and middle names around (Alta Joyce). Somehow, we both instinctively agreed this new moniker better suited this kid.
When we were expecting the second time, we had several female family names in mind. We decided to wait to pick the final name until we saw the babe. We waited for a full day after she was born to finally name her. Fred knew he wanted to name a future son after his dad and we hated to copy his niece's name as well, but this kid was clearly a Queen Elizabeth in the making. Fortunately, her cousin goes by Beth these days, and there's no way our middle child will ever be a "Beth". Her teachers call her "Liz" once in awhile, but most people still call her "Elizabeth" and bow down slightly in her presence.
During the one-day delay before we named our second kid, one person suggested that since our first daughter is named "Alta" we should call her "Snowbird". (If you're a skier, you'll get the reference.) Sometimes we call the girls "Alpha" and "elizaBeta". Fortunately for us nerdy parents, the kids think those are somewhat cool nicknames and don't ostracize us for sharing them with others.
Take that, Jefe/Teen #2/Trash Boy/Dumpster Diva!
The Mind of a 7-Year-Old Boy
The other night we took my mother-in-law to a party at my father-in-law’s nursing home. She sat in front with Hubby and I crawled in back with my 7-year-old son Freddy. I was the last to get out, and decided to leave my purse in the car rather than risk forgetting it at the nursing home. When we got back in the car, I realized my purse was missing. I freaked out to think someone would have stolen it from my car at the nursing home, but it was definitely gone.
When we got home, Hubby looked in the trunk area behind the back seat, and there it was. We figure Freddy got in the car first, saw the purse where he wanted to sit, and threw it in back without a second thought. He honestly didn’t remember pitching my purse when I started asking about it – he even crawled under seats to look for it. That incident sums up my seven-year-old son pretty nicely.
Affectionate kid
Have I ever mentioned how overly affectionate my son Freddy is? That kids gives more hugs and kisses than… well, let’s not go there. Suffice to say this kid just LOOVES body contact.
We’ve found out he’ll at least eat breakfast (and be in a cooperative mood!) in the morning if we let him sit on my lap and eat dry waffles or pop tarts. Yes, this kid would prefer a warm lap to syrup on his waffles. I’ve started kicking him off after 15 minutes, though. First off, it’s just weird for a kid whose almost 8 to like to cuddle with his mom that much. Second, I’ve started having back pains from having this kid SIT on me all the time!
I wouldn’t call him a mama’s boy, but he definitely likes to cuddle. I wonder if he’ll someday break his grampy’s record of five kids.
We’ve found out he’ll at least eat breakfast (and be in a cooperative mood!) in the morning if we let him sit on my lap and eat dry waffles or pop tarts. Yes, this kid would prefer a warm lap to syrup on his waffles. I’ve started kicking him off after 15 minutes, though. First off, it’s just weird for a kid whose almost 8 to like to cuddle with his mom that much. Second, I’ve started having back pains from having this kid SIT on me all the time!
I wouldn’t call him a mama’s boy, but he definitely likes to cuddle. I wonder if he’ll someday break his grampy’s record of five kids.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Happy New Year
Karen,
I decided to create a BLOG this year. Its done. You quit blogging, you need to start back up.
I think I'm going to create a lemonade stand at lemonade.com have you done that.
I also started a goal list on 43things.com
enjoy the new year.
I decided to create a BLOG this year. Its done. You quit blogging, you need to start back up.
I think I'm going to create a lemonade stand at lemonade.com have you done that.
I also started a goal list on 43things.com
enjoy the new year.
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