I'm trying to get this out of my system without sounding overly biased or paranoid. I'll leave it up to those with conflicting beliefs to tell me if I succeed in making my point. Here goes.

First off, neither same-sex marriage nor same-sex civil unions are legal in the state of Minnesota in 2012. Both are already illegal and there are no initiatives on the November ballot to change that.

Yet there's a political battle brewing in Minnesota over same-sex marriage this fall. Why? Because our ballot contains an amendment to clarify in our state constitution that same-sex marriage is really, truly illegal.

Let me repeat. Same-sex marriage in Minnesota IS illegal. Already. This amendment would simply change that "no" to "Hell, no."

So who stands to gain from this amendment? A lot of lobbyists will be employed to rally around this cause. And it's a great opportunity for politicians to distract voters from real issues. (Throw out the words "gay marriage" and people tend to forget about pesky issues such as unemployment rates and balanced budgets.)

The ultimate goal of this amendment is to fire conservatives and inspire them to go to the polls this November. They may not have strong feelings about Romney, but they'll go to the polls for this issue and cast a ballot for him while they're in there. This is a hot topic that's sure to draw a lot of non-committal citizens back into the political fray.

This amendment has no legal impact; its purpose is simply to fan political flames. It's merely a manipulative ploy, but there are real people out there who will be hurt by this.

Conservative Republican MN state senator John Kriesel, who lost both legs fighting for our country, said he could not support this amendment while welcoming his fellow soldiers (some of whom are openly gay) back home to Minnesota. This amendment is hurtful, senseless, and it should not be passed.

I'm with him. The ends do NOT justify the means.

Loving a Short Life

My father died about two weeks after my last post. I've mourned his loss a lot, but I haven't been as lost in grief as I was when my mother died. It's the greatest testament to my father that I'm able to offer.

When I was 18, my father had a major heart attack. There was a history of heart problems in his family and although he survived the attack, it was clear that his heart wasn't in good condition. My parents decided they'd work until I graduated from college and retire immediately after. In defiance of all our plans, my mom was diagnosed with cancer shortly after I graduated. A few months after that, she was gone.

Up til then my parents played very traditional family roles. My mother was the child-rearer and dad was the distant bread-winner. I remember him playing pranks and teaching us card tricks, but I can't ever recall him reprimanding me for any of my various misconducts. There were no heart-to-heart talks about boys or life goals. I do remember eating boiled hot dogs whenever my mother was gone and he was in charge of supper.

After my mom passed my dad had to learn to cook. During his "single years" when we'd come to visit, he'd bustle around the kitchen checking boiling stews and washing potatoes during breaks from our card game. I remembering smothering a few grins as he'd proudly bring a casserole or meatloaf to the dinner table.

Dad lived almost 30 years after his first heart attack. For at least half of those years, doctors warned us grimly that his heart was in dire condition and he could go at any time. With that in mind, my father lived and loved well. Every day was a tremendous gift to celebrate, and my father did so.

Eventually he remarried and became a grandfather not only to my children, but the children of his 6 step-children. Dad was so proud of all his kids and with his large extended family, there was a lot of news to share when we talked each week. I sometimes pondered the irony of our extended phone conversations in comparison to our brief exchanges when I lived in his home.

My father became extremely involved in the lives of all his grandchildren. He loved the story about the missing vase I found in pieces, hidden in the sunroom. He laughed heartily at the strange charges that appeared on our phone bill when my toddler starting playing 'telephone.' He drove four hours to attend the ceremony when my daughter won a contest. He was so proud when my oldest graduated from high school.

Finally this year, dad's heart gave out. Months later, I still find myself reaching for the phone to call him. At the same time my kids still have music lessons, carpools, and confirmation classes to attend. Meals still have to be cooked and work still has to be done. In Dad's eyes, these daily trials were the golden years of life and he made it clear that we should enjoy these tasks - not resent them as we go about grieving. Whether we have one year left or 30, life is too short.

Dad, I'm doing my best. Even as your opinions make it easier, they make me miss you more. Each day IS a treasure, and that outlook is the greatest lesson you taught me. I love you.

Coping with Grief

My dad's heart is failing, but I'm not going to see him this weekend.

My oldest daughter is flying back to college tomorrow and I'm supposed to teach Sunday School the day after. I drove ten hours to see dad last weekend and I was exhausted all this past week.

It sounds like a logical decision to stay home, but my heart is in my throat.

I know the clock is ticking and I may not have another chance to see him. On the other hand, he may linger for weeks. What's the right thing to do? I know no one will second-guess my decision except me, but I'm still scared. I don't want any regrets.

If anyone has any stories about a similar ordeal and their choices, I'd love to hear them.

Ode to GPS

I love my GPS. I'm convinced the divorce rate is falling because couples no longer argue on long and stressful trips about where to turn off the road. Let the GPS be wrong, not your spouse!

When the kids wail "How much LONGER???" I blame the GPS for putting them thru another 23 minutes of driving torture. I tell them, "But maybe I can get it down to 22." Suddenly the kids are cheering for me to outsmart the GPS and no longer whining.

At the same time, I find myself ignoring it quite often. GPS technology is not 100% reliable. If I'm travelling a familiar road that I KNOW is under construction or bound to be heavily trafficked at this time of day, I'll ignore the GPS instructions and laugh merrily as it says "Recalculating".

Last summer we were taking our kids to a "surprise destination". The kids were speculating on why we were driving amid cornfields in Iowa when suddenly, the GPS shouted "Turn Left here to go to Field of Dreams" and our surprise was ruined. It's never mentioned a destination by name before or ever since. My guess is that there really IS some artificial intelligence behind that logic, and it gets peeved with the way I use it shamelessly.

I'm convinced a bit of a devil rests in each GPS system. Makes me like 'em even better.

Letting Go

It's a summer full of regrets so far. I regret that I haven't had more time to post comments on my blog. (I'm finally understanding the attraction of brief Twitter postings -- much less pressure to write something deep and thoughtful!)

I regret mostly that my eldest is leaving for college and my family will never be the same. That sounds so dramatic, but it's true on some level. A child is leaving the nest. We'll have extra space in the car and less food on the table. We'll have tuition bills up the whazoo. And I'll worry constantly about that girl.

It's hard to let go, dammit.

When I left for college, I couldn't wait to fly the coop. You'd think that memory would make it easy for me to be gracious about my own daughter leaving. At the same time, we're talking about different people, a different era, and a different situation. Funny how I'm more nervous about my daughter heading out into the big world than I was when it was myself. Guess that's what makes me a mom.

Regardless of all my worries and poignant reminiscing, I AM letting go. Because it's time. Because I love her too much to ever hold her back. Guess that's what makes me a mom.

Good-bye, my daughter. Fly high and shine.

Registrar problems with Melbourne IT

Over this past weekend I moved two of my clients from an older web server at Verio to a new ViaVerio plan. The upgrade required changes to their nameserver records. These records are managed through my reseller account at Verio, but the registrar itself is Melbourne IT.

On Thursday morning I had a frantic call from one of the upgraded customers at 6:30 AM -- website and email were down. Everything looked good on my end so I called Verio who insisted that I'd changed the nameserver record info again. My next upgraded customer then called... same problem.

I have dozens of clients, but these were the only two affected. I reset the nameserver records for both and changed all their passwords, but the nameserver records mysteriously changed again a few hours later. At this point my Verio account manager told me flat out that the problem was with Melbourne IT, but he didn't know any more than that. I spent the rest of the day manually clicking the Update button on the nameserver record page for these clients every 20 minutes or so, to make sure no one could overwrite their access again.

I got an email from Verio this morning that simply said the problem was on the registrar's end, and it thanked me for my help in tracking down the problem. Excuse me? My clients had their domain records re-routed and they're thanking me? I need a lot more explanation than this -- does anyone know what went wrong???

I recently had a 15-year-old ask me, "will I ever use the stuff I'm taught in high school?" Just as an FYI, here's the answer I gave.

I’m the mom of a h.s. senior and I gotta admit that I wondered about the point was as she struggled to memorize the differences between a monarchy and an oligarchy. There just can’t be many practical applications for students in that!

On the other hand, I stumbled into a great, challenging job that required a lot of math. I even went out and bought a high school math book to figure out the equations we needed.

I remember visiting Europe and sneaking a touch of the Rosetta Stone (wanted to call my old high school teacher then and there). My language classes helped me remember key phrases in other languages as I traveled. I was grateful for my English lit classes whenever people I wanted to impress dropped references to “the Scarlet Letter” or debated whether Huck Finn or Tom Sawyer had painted the fence.

Most of all, I learned social skills when dealing with authority figures and peers. I learned to sift through facts and decide which ones were the important ones that I’d need to remember. I learned to prioritize and organize… all valuable life skills.

In retrospect I only have two complaints about our education system: 1) Students feel like they’re competing against each other. Kids are jealous of the smarter students, the better athletes, etc. In real life cooperation will take you farther than competition. You’ll can go far beyond your means if you surround yourself with people more talented than you. 2) Most student elections are popularity contests. That’s the voting strategy that people take into the real world, and it’s wrong. I once worked for a CEO who demanded excellence and kicked you to the curb if you didn’t meet expectations. None of us enjoyed spending time with this boss, but we all worked hard and the company was very successful. If that’s the hallmark of a successful manager, why are we taught to vote for our favorite drinking buddies in the polls?